review archive - articles - podcast - contact us

intro - best of 2005 - worst of 2005 - best dvds of 2005


Chris Hartley (Head Honcho)

Day Of The Dead 2: Contagium
Insulting is the word for this piece of filmatic garbage. Witness how a bunch of half-wit hacks managed to get the rights to the title of Romero's third zombie flick and proceeded to run it into the ground. Even if you separate this from its cash-in title it's still one godawful movie.

Alien Abduction
Proving my point, this production from The Asylum is the exact flipside of Frankenstein Reborn. While it contains better production value than some of their later movies, Alien Abduction was still rough going with its sloppy script and bad set pieces (like the surgical drill moment).

Alone In The Dark
Everyone knows Uwe Boll. Everyone seems to hate Uwe Boll. This guy can't stay away from making video games into movies and while this isn't nearly as bad as his previous effort, House Of The Dead, it's still one vapid piece of trash. You never know, one day Boll might make a movie worthwhile - that is if he tones down ripping off the style of The Matrix, gets a decent script, and doesn't waste his German investors money on crappy video game adaptations. Wait, maybe he won't then, I've seen the trailer for Bloodrayne...

Proving I've seen way too many Asylum movies this year this marks the second entry the company has on this list. Managing to snag lower-scale name actors Edward Furlong and Cerina Vincent doesn't help this attempts at a ghost story/slasher flick as Intermedio makes little to no sense and has absolutely nothing but badness on display (and Steve Railsback wandering around muttering while playing with a "spooky" necklace around his neck).

Troubled production and delays didn't fare well for another pairing of director Wes Craven and writer Kevin Williamson (they did Scream together) and the final product just gives us proof why Dimension held it back from release. This is one of the worst werewolf movies in recent memory as it tries to be both scary and funny failing miserably at both. Of course, I suspect fiddling within the studio, but even that doesn't excuse it. At least Craven proved he hadn't gone the way of Tobe Hooper by later in the year delivering the fairly watchable Red Eye.

Josh Pasnak (Staff Writer)

Alone In The Dark
Uwe Boll follows up House Of The Dead with another disaster. You would think that his next film would tank but we horror fans are a masochistic breed that will likely see it as well. I am firmly expecting Bloodrayne to make the list next year. Bad acting, poorly directed action, awful CGI, and a weak script make this a boring mess. I know Boll produces the movies as well but, seriously, the dude should stay out of the creative process.

Day Of The Dead 2: Contagium
This is a great example of what can happen if the rights to a great film fall into the wrong hands. A group of greedy producers with no concept of what made the original so great decide to make a sequel. The result is a plodding and uninspired waste of time that is bad across the board. The only thing I can say was decent was the make-up effects and the performance from Laurie Baranyay. These positives were wasted with a horrible script and generic direction. Gee, we have a sequel to Creepshow to look forward to next year by the same group. Yay.

The plot for this one flew around more than a basketball at a Harlem Globetrotters game and literally gave me a headache trying to keep up with what was going on. When things are this much of a mess and the only payoff is a CGI monster at the end, I am extremely unimpressed. If you want to see everything that is wrong with horror movies right now, check this one out. There is more to horror that loud sound effects, people.

Urban Legends: Bloody Mary
I hope I don't get fired for this but where I can usually find something to like in a direct-to-video horror flick, I found this one to be an unoriginal sedative. Sure there were a few good kills but they were ruined by unnecessary CGI. Other than that, I do not remember much about this other than it is the final nail in a franchise that should never have continued past the first film.

The Brothers Grimm
Terry Gilliam is one of the more interesting directors working these days and it pains me to include this film on my list. Unfortunately, the fact of the matter is that this movie is just plain boring and leads Matt Damon and Heath Ledger fall flat thanks to a disjointed script that feels like it was thrown together. I was really looking forward to this one and was very bummed out after I saw it.

Vhs Caveman (Staff Writer)

The Amityville Horror
Let's get something straight. This is not a real horror movie. Do you know those Gap ads you see on TV? This is what a horror movie looks like to the man who directs those commercials. I kept getting the feeling the movie I was watching was an ad for itself, and not a real movie, if that makes any sense. This "movie" is so heavy handed, simplistic and obvious that it's a joke. Ryan Reynolds yelling at a bunch of kids was entertaining, but not in the way it was supposed to be. And what was up with that pedophilia subplot with Samara/the evil black haired ghost girl? This could easily be Scary Movie 4, if only the actors were let in on the joke. The worst horror flick I have seen all year.

The Ring Two
What a waste. That's all I can say about this weak, weak, weak knee'd sequel to one of the greatest horror movies in years. What happened to the tape virus that was beginning to spread? Where is the first film's Samara? Don't tell me she gave up on her chain letter death plague so she could try to inhabit the body of a small boy. Deer? Huh? "I'm not your mommy, bitch!" This is a line of dialogue from a cheap, straight-to-video film, it should not be in the sequel to one of the best horror movies in years. Stop slumming Samara, and get back to your roots.

Horror movie, hold the horror please. I liked the main character's struggle to deal with his stagnant, childish emotions but... shouldn't something else happen? Like, you know, a movie?

Alone In The Dark
Uwe Boll. Bad... everything. Stupid enough to be a tiny bit of fun, but not stupid enough to be worth seeing. It's better than House Of The Dead, at least we should give Boll credit for that.

I don't think this is nearly as bad as people say, but it is bad, and a bit of a tragedy given the amount of talent involved. Apparently werewolf powers make Christina Ricci sexy. Call me crazy, but I find that to be a bit redundant.