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intro - best of 2006 - worst of 2006 - best dvds of 2006


Chris Hartley (Head Honcho)

Carnage For The Destroyer
You know, I'm always willing to give credit where credit is due within the indie horror scene, but when you've been doing the same riff for years and nothing really changes, it may be a problem. That's where Chris Seaver and his Low-Budget Pictures seem to be. Stuck making these juvenile, cheap, and innuendo filled schlock fests without advancing. Sure, Mulva was amusing, but when you're beating similar jokes to death in ALL your movies it might be time to try something new. I know horror-comedy can work in the indie realm, look at Justin Channell's Raising The Stakes for proof.

Underworld: Evolution
Not being a big fan of the 2004 original and its story of vampires battling werewolves (think Van Helsing only not as ridiculously overblown), it was a bit of a surprise that Underworld and its universe deserved a sequel. Alas, Kate Beckinsale returned garbed in her tight-leather outfit to fight more Lycan baddies (and a vampire overlord) while we had to suffer through one of the most sloppy and dumb scripts amongst overblown CGI, painful action sequences, and overacting galore.

Rest Stop
As the first release by Warner's genre offshoot Raw Feed, Rest Stop couldn't have been much worse an introduction. Cribbing from everything and anything this lamebrained attempt at a horror flick constantly didn't make sense, annoyed the shit out of me, and tried much too hard to be "disturbing" little realizing you need a convincing villain and characters you care about for that sort of thing to work.

Another year, another Uwe Boll movie makes my list. After raping the videogames House of the Dead and Alone in the Dark, Boll couldn't leave well enough alone. But at least this time he picked an equally mediocre game with the leather-clad vampire heroine, Bloodrayne. It's hard to say what sucks worse about this: the embarassed stars, the cheap-o sets, or the ridiculous bloodspray everywhere - or maybe it was the jail cell door slamming during the sex scene. Let's just say this is really bad...

See No Evil
As the first movie from the WWE (World Wrestling Entertainment) and starring the burly Kane, See No Evil played out exactly like what it was: a slasher movie starring a non-actor, made by a Porno director. The opening scene had some promise and it could've been an alright throwback to slasher flicks of the 80's, but something went horribly wrong along the way.

Josh Pasnak (Staff Writer)

Green River Killer
I could probably have filled this list with the other 'true-crime' movies that director Ulli Lommel dumped on us this year but I had neither the time or patience to suffer through any more than I had to. I find it hard to believe that this guy has been making movies for over thirty years, as he seems to have no grasp on what is interesting to an audience. Add to this the fact that he doesn't even stick to the facts of the case nor give us any sort of suspense or tension and you have a movie that is unparalleled this year in its tedium. This was a confused mess of a movie that had absolutely nothing going for it.

The Wicker Man
This is your typical case for why not to do a remake. I found the end result to be lazy and uninspired and the filmmakers completely missed the tone of the film and the characters that made the original such a classic. The film is completely miscast, the pace is exceptionally boring, and all of the character interactions have a forced weirdness that comes off as being silly. The last reel was the only entertaining part but not for the reasons the filmmakers probably intended. Save your money and add the 1973 version to your DVD collection instead.

Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning
It is rare that I go to the movies and actually feel insulted but I have to say that I felt completely cheated when I walked out of the theatre after enduring this waste of celluloid. I have always believed that the original Texas Chainsaw should have been a standalone horror film and this movie was the worst combo imaginable as it was like a remake of the remake of the original. The story was almost identical, the kills were boring, there was no back story that I was expecting from a 'prequel', and I don't think I could have sat through another minute of R. Lee Ermey hamming up his role like The Count from "Sesame Street" starring in a Dracula remake.

I'll Always Know What You Did Last Summer
The title alone should have been enough to put me off but still I trudged onwards wondering only if this would be an improvement to the first terrible sequel in this series. As bad as that one was, I still think this was worse and it felt like Sylvain White was way out of his element. It is fine when you have a visual style that you established from directing music videos but as far as I am concerned, this does not translate well to the horror film. Combined with obnoxious editing, poor sound design, and the obvious fact that this was a quick cash-in from a creatively bankrupt franchise and we have a movie that we should pretend doesn't exist. Like Texas Chainsaw, the first one in the series was good and they should have left it at that.

Stay Alive
I didn't think I was going to like this flick when I rented it but my reasons for not liking it were different that I was expecting. Seeing as this revolved around the world of gaming, I was prepared for an onslaught of bad CGI but, in fact, the effects were somewhat tolerable. The real problem here was the story and the fact that they tried to combine the notion of a killer video game with the legend of Elizabeth Bathory. I found this to be an inappropriate combination and the film didn't seem to know which plot it wanted to follow. The script also contained so many narrative devices that were there only because they were convenient to the story that you will have trouble keeping up with the plot holes. If you want to see the story of Bathory on screen, check out Countess Dracula or Daughters of Darkness instead as they are much better than this.