When I first heard about this movie, I thought it was a pretty interesting idea to make a horror movie where the cast consists completely of reality TV stars. The thing that I failed to consider was the fact that reality TV stars are just being themselves, which does not necessarily mean that they have any acting skills. This is quite evident after a viewing of The Scorned and although some of these people show some potential, it is for the most part a lame bid by a group of twenty-somethings to desperately try to extend their fifteen minutes of fame.

Jenna Lewis ("Survivor") stars as Kirsten, a girl who is staying at a beach house with her friends Oliver (Steven Hill from "The Real World: Las Vegas"), Seth (Reichen Lehmkuhl from "The Amazing Race"), and D.Q. (Jonny 'Fairplay' Dalton from "Survivor"). It turns out the beach house was the site of a murder which involved the previous owner (Bob Guiney from "The Bachelor"), his wife (Trish Schneider from "The Bachelor"), and his illicit lover (Trishelle Cannatella from "The Real World: Las Vegas"). Weird things begin to happen and soon people begin to get killed by a restless spirit in the house that has a problem with people being unfaithful. It is up to Kirsten and Oliver to figure out who is doing the killing and to unravel the mystery of the house.

Like a reality show or a bad horror movie, we have seen this plot many times in erotic thrillers and in other direct-to-video cheapies. Had I not been intrigued by the all-reality cast gimmick, I would have not even been interested but I am a sucker for a good gimmick so here I am. The writing of this film was terrible and I couldn't figure out if it was not making sense or if I just couldn't give a damn what was happening on the screen. Aside from a few breasts courtesy of Lewis, Cannatella, Tonya Cooley ("The Real World: Chicago"), and Stacie J ("The Apprentice"), there wasn't a heck of a lot going on here when you got bored of playing 'name the reality celebrity'. The acting was generally poor from all save for Lewis and Lehmkuhl and there was nothing interesting going on technically. The visual effects were lame and although there was a pretty decent impaling near the end, the kills were bloodless and unimpressive. In retrospect, I am not sure why I expected anything more from this one.

I suppose that it serves me right to be duped by such an obvious cash grab but I do have a tendency to be a little bit of an impulse buyer sometimes. I have to say that I was curious as to how this would turn out and I feel comfortable saying that from a filmmaking point of view, this was a stupid idea. On the other hand, from a marketing point of view, this was brilliant and I am surprised that this is not being advertised more that it is. It seems like it would be quite a moneymaker if the right sales pitch were applied. It surprises me that the producers have not inked deals with the various networks to advertise the DVD on the shows that featured a number of the celebrities such as "Survivor". That seems like a no-brainer to me to suck in the masses.

Speaking of being sucked in, further research indicates that MTV had a series about the making of the movie entitled "Kill Reality" that is a reality show about the behind the scenes drama of the filmmaking process. This made me feel like even more of a chump because obviously the only reason this flick ever got made was so that the series could be made. Had they released this film as a part of a set with the series, I may have been more inclined to enjoy the film but as a standalone flick, this will be forgotten as quickly as most of the inside jokes that populate the script. Special mention goes to Ethan Zohn ("Survivor") for being the only cast member who seemed to have any comedy chops in a cast that consisted of a distinct lack of talent. In the cast's defense though a crappy script will always lead to a crappy movie. It is not possible to build a solid house on a shaky foundation. That, my friends, is the only reality in this flick. (Josh Pasnak, 5/24/06)

Directed By: Robert Kubilos.
Written By: Rob Cesternino, Eric Mittleman, Scott Zakarin.

Starring: Jenna Lewis, Steven Hill, Trish Schneider, Bob Guiney.