When The Ring became a surprise hit in 2003 it basically opened the gates for American studios to begin remaking various, mostly similar, Japanese horror movies for Western consumption. We had to suffer through Dark Water, both Grudge movies, Pulse, and (in this year alone) The Eye and, the subject of this review, One Missed Call.

I haven't seen the Takashi Miike original but I'm going to guess that it falls victim to the confused plotting most J-horror ghost stories do. I'm also going on the assumption that it wasn't quite the watered-down Hollywood effort we get here. This is a movie that offers no scares (they're all telegraphed way in advance), some laughable moments, and a junky twist ending. There's a reason this was dumped into theatres early this year and why Warner Brothers didn't even bother putting any extras on its recent DVD release: it's not worth any effort.

It was only a matter of time until cell phones would become the vessel for evil forces as a group of twenty-something's begin getting creepy calls from an unknown number. Along with said calls comes the usual visions as the recipient soon starts seeing such "unsetting" things as creepy crawlies and ghostly people with deformed looking faces. Not too long after that they're killed, leaving detective Jack Andrews (Ed Burns) to try and figure out just what the Hell is going on. His only clue is a small red globe found on the body (usually "in" the body, actually).

His investment in the case starts to get personal, though, when his sister becomes one of the victims of the ghostly caller. Jack finds himself having to team up with her best friend, Beth (Shannyn Sossamon) to hunt down clues when it turns out she is also suspicious of all the goings-on and wants to get to the bottom of it as well. This leads to plenty of tepid investigation scenes as they find out the calls are early looks at the death of the victim and that child abuse may play into it. There's also a pointless sub-plot with a reality show host (Ray Wise) that could've brought more interest and satire to the film but turns out to be exactly what it is: a set piece that gives the makers a chance to bang around a bunch of stuff, make things explode, and toss out plenty of loud noises.

By the time the laughable twist ending comes about, I honestly couldn't give two shits. See, the problem with One Missed Call is that it never seems to be trying to be anything more than a remake aimed at young teenagers. The tries at scares, which includes a severed hand dialling a phone and a ridiculous looking monster baby with a cell, are addled by the PG-13 rating, the abuse angle is kept shoe-horned in to avoid any sort of offensiveness (and that's too bad as it's the only intriguing element of the movie), and Andrew Klavan's script is filled with poor dialogue and a general lack of focus.

Unlike fellow countryman Alexandre Aja (The Hills Have Eyes), Frenchman Eric Valette doesn't make much of an impression in his American debut and while he keeps his camera active throughout, he just can't get much out of Sossamon (who made even less an impression in 2003's The Order) and Burns who are a tandem of bland actors that don't belong in this type of movie.

One Missed Call arrived a mere four days into 2008 and now, five months along, is likely to be remembered as one of the years poorest efforts. It's a quick cash-in on a (hopefully) dying J-horror fad and a complete waste of time to boot. (Chris Hartley, 5/4/08)

Directed By: Eric Valette.
Written By: Andrew Klavan.

Starring: Shannyn Sossamon, Ed Burns, Ana Claudia Talancon, Ray Wise.

Picture Ratio: 1.85:1 Widescreen.

Picture Quality: Despite a lot of this taking place in dingy, dark locations the transfer here sports decent clarity and is clean of debris. There are a few jagged edges but this is a completely acceptable looking disc.

Extras: As mentioned above, Warner didn't feel the need to include anything on this disc, even a trailer, so unless you count a full frame version included on the flipside an extra you get a big, fat goose egg.