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2003 - 90m.

As any movie fan will know, for the most part video games just don't translate too well to film and despite the handful of exceptions (the first Mortal Kombat movie, for example) they're vacuous exercises in futility. But rarely are any of them quite as horrible as House Of The Dead turns out to be.

Based on the passable "rail shooter" from Sega; this has a group of twenty-something's chartering a boat to head off to a rave being held on an isolated island only to have to fight off a bevy of zombies (with convenient weapons that the ship they're on happened to be smuggling) when it turns out the rave has met a disastrous end.

While there's more skin than expected, there's a few okay "head shot" moments and B-movie favourite Clint Howard has a side role - that's not nearly enough to make up for the display of ineptness, inanity and pure horridity on display.

Director Uwe Boll seems to think that if he is the hundredth person to rip-off the "slo-mo" moment in The Matrix (here he has the camera rotate around a character while they move in slow motion) that means he's a talented director - wrong! In fact, the entire thing is directed with such a weak hand that it's hard to completely blame the script for why this turned out so bad.

This lamely (and pointlessly) cuts in actual footage from the three video games it's based on, is loaded with characters who aren't even developed (and annoy hugely with their supposed "hip" dialogue) and has absolutely no personality or exciting action to recommend.

It's just painful stuff, folks - and even the production values seem low considering this managed to stumble its way into theatres. Heck, even the big pay-off twist in the ending is godawful and almost as big a waste as the entire movie. Besides, who actually likes acrobatic, sprinting zombies anyway?

That's Ellie Cornell (from Halloween 4 and 5) as the rough-n-tumble harbour patrolwoman. (Chris Hartley, 5/26/04)

Directed By: Uwe Boll.
Written By: Mark Altman, Dave Parker.

Starring: Jonathan Cherry, Tyron Leitso, Clint Howard, Ona Grauer.