I'm all for cheesy low-budget drive-in flicks from the 70's but they rarely get as bad as The Giant Spider Invasion.

The premise is quite simple as a small Southern town finds itself under attack from various sized spiders when a meteor crash lands in a nearby farmer's field and unleashes a gaggle of alien spiders when chunks of rock split open. So while people are getting attacked by the bugs a white trash family spend time arguing and trying to make money off the find, sheriff Alan Hale (who played the "skipper" on Gilligan's Island and is given the groanable task of having his first line be, "hey, little buddy") is trying to figure out a way to stop the invasion.

This is one stunningly inept and inane time that may have some truly awful effects (they're laughable paper mache or rubber creations) and stinky dialogue ("You don't know rabbit turds from Rice Krispies") to chuckle at; but even those unintentional laughs can't make up for the fact that when the giant spider of the title finally does eat someone it's a mild highlight because up to that point this has been painfully dull.

Hale gets to ham it up (as most "semi" celebrities do when forced to be in such garbage) but he has to compete with a script packed with wonky science (the spiders are from a black hole?), attacks that are intercut with scenes of church preaching, a finale where the giant spider attacks a carnival and baseball game that truly must be seen to be believed, and an abrupt ending.

Just terrible and, if you can believe it, the giant spider is actually a disguised Volkswagen Bug (ironic?). (Chris Hartley, 8/15/04)

Directed By: Bill Rebane.
Written By: Robert Easton, Richard L. Huff.

Starring: Steve Brodie, Barbara Hale, Alan Hale, Robert Easton.