Hear that? It's the sound of H.P. Lovecraft spinning in his grave. Over the years there have been plentiful attempts to bring his often vague, otherworldly fiction to the screen with differing results. There's the amazing (Re-Animator), the decent (Dagon), and the misguided (Bleeders) but none of them reach the crudity of our subject here. Loosely based on his "Cool Air" story this is so inept and shoddy that it not only stands out as the worst Lovecraft flick but it's also the one the eccentric writer would probably despise the most - hence the spinning.

Fully responsible for this mess is Serge Rodnunsky who takes credit as (get ready for it) director, writer, producer, editor, AND director of photography. Me thinks someone took on too big a workload. This doesn't excuse all the films faults but it certainly makes it easy to find someone to place the onus of blame on.

Things open poorly with a sluggish chase scene where a man is hunted down and killed by a shady figure driving a beat up van. From here things begin (already) to jump around like a kid missing out on his Ritalin dose as we're treated to some scattered flashbacks to eighteen years prior with the purpose of introducing us to Dr. Munoz (Shaun Kurtz) who was once a highly regarded scientist but, thanks to a rare skin condition, is now confined to living in a freezer-like environment in the rear of the convenience store he owns. Also into the picture comes down-on-his-luck writer Sam (Thomas Calabro) who's applied for a job there and neighbouring store owner Maria (Ashley Laurence) who quickly takes a shine to Sam by oddly asking him to coffee and gives the movie the abundance of the awkward and stilted dialogue exchanges we're forced to suffer through. Maria also happens to be the ex-girlfriend of Detective Defazio (James Russo) who is incredibly jealous and also investigating a series of murders happening around town - but he's not that important, seemingly drifting in-and-out when necessary.

Well, this being a genre flick, it turns out Munoz has evil intent and has been using a deformed sidekick to commit said murders so he can slice off chunks of the victim's skin and perform rituals. Or some such muddled shit. I honestly got to a point where I really didn't care anymore. Between scenes of inane talking, a few kills containing mediocre gore, some mild skin, a completely lousy chase scene, and attempts at suspense that are amateurishly staged and so very slow, we're treated to a finale where Sam becomes our put upon hero to try and stop the crazed Munoz. Speaking of "treats" there's also some really awful CG effects that pop up in the last third that look unfinished at best - I could probably emulate them using the Paint program from Windows 95.

For me the main drawing card was seeing Laurence in something other than the Hellraiser series. I didn't remember her in 1992's Mikey (or the third Warlock entry, for that matter) and she'll always be Kristy Cotton to me. This is why I'm trying to block out her awful performance here. Let's just say she does lots of staring at her co-stars while robotically delivering lines. Not that anyone else is much better as Calabro wanders about looking shell-shocked and Kurtz tries to do his best Tobin Bell from Saw impression - even wearing the hooded robes. It's obviously just another quick paycheque for busy character actor Russo, who doesn't even try, something I can't fault him for since his character and Maria's dynamic can't be described as anything other than stupid.

Chill is miserable. While I was watching it I hopped on Twitter and simply put, "Seriously, f*ck this movie." That tells you everything you need to know right there. Somehow Rodnunsky has made over forty (!) films in his career. I'm willing to bet, or at least am hoping, this is the low point. They've gone out of their way to paste Lovecraft's name all over the artwork and I can't help and take the poster's claims of "Horror Goes Retro" to heart - by watching a truly retro Lovecraft classic like the aforementioned Re-Animator. (Chris Hartley, 11/18/14)

Directed By: Serge Rodnunsky.
Written By: Serge Rodnunsky.

Starring: Thomas Calabro, Shaun Kurtz, Ashley Laurence, James Russo.