The Caretaker could easily be yet another indistinguishable low-budget slasher flick, and it really doesn't go off formula and keeps most of its deaths off camera, but it still manages to be a fairly watchable 82 minutes thanks to the fact it's probably the only time you're going to see a "Boob-O-Lantern" and there's some chuckles to be had due to the fact that before our killer strikes he enjoys rolling a grapefruit towards his victim(s). As an attempt to develop a 'signature killer' this effort from Turkey Ranch Productions could have turned out a lot worse - and that's considering the fact they've cast B-level celebrities Jennifer Tilly and Judd Nelson for name recognition (with Nelson getting about two minutes screen time, max).

When Homecoming just happens to fall on Halloween night, a group of teens decide they want to party it up by heading off to an abandoned cabin in the middle of an orchard with the guys setting out to try and scare the girls due to the locations past history. One couple decides to visit the site early and, of course, our horny couple (which includes Lola Davidson as the aforementioned "lanterns") fall victim to our title killer - that's an obvious try at a distinctive look and is equal parts good and bad with his orchard pickers costume and it's hooded brimmed hat being fairly lame but his weapon of choice, a modified fruit picker, looking pretty cool.

After these opening deaths the rest of our clichéd group of high schoolers, that includes jock Topher (Andrew St. John) and his comic relief jackassery and new girl Ella (Kira Verrastro), head out to the cabin and start getting picked-off. In between the mild deaths we get our usual "urban legend told in spooky surroundings" background on the killer who once ran the orchard but became very possessive of his wife going so far as to chaining her up away from other men and going quite crazy in the process. There's also a sleazy limo driver who's here to leeringly lust after teen flesh and Tilly, playing a cleavage baring teacher with the hots for Topher, shows up for the finale with her belly button pressing through her much too tight dress. We also get proof positive that, in a slasher movie, riding away from the killer on an ATV is not the best of moves. Then comes the finale and Ella's expected stumbling into dead bodies and a predictable twist, which adheres to the "huh?" school of revelations I, to this day, blame 1996's Scream for starting in earnest.

On the acting front, The Caretaker gets acceptable performances from its younger cast with St. John giving the ladies a few glimpses of his muscled torso but also cracking jokes like a buffoon. Verrastro makes for an okay heroine as the typical naïve girl thrown into the middle of a night of murder. Tilly just seems to be here for the cash taking her slutty teacher role into silly territory and spouting dialogue too young sounding for her age, including multiple use of the word "totally", while b-movie veteran Jonathan Breck (Jeepers Creepers) gives his small role as the limo driver scumbag wittiness.

As mentioned above, there's really nothing special about The Caretaker. It's happy to stay on the beaten path and hits all the expected beats. I would've appreciated a bit more bloodiness when it comes to the kills and Davidson's scene alone makes the lack of skin for the rest of the flick no big deal but did we really need to see a fifty-year-old Tilly flirting hardcore with a guy thirty years her junior? It's not like she looks outright horrible for her age it just seems a bit too cougar-riffic. I'm also wondering just why one of the rooms in the cabin contains black lights and neon graffiti. (Chris Hartley, 3/8/10)

Directed By: Bryce Fridrik Olson.
Written By: Jackie Linder Olson.

Starring: Kira Verrastro, Jennifer Freeman, Andrew St. John, James Immekus.

Picture Ratio: 1.77:1 Widescreen.

Picture Quality: While there's some mild grain evident the picture here is free of any dirt and specking with no real issues hindering your viewing experience.

Extras: The review copy I watched only contained the trailer, which is all you're going to get on the retail version as well.

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