You know, the more I experience sex comedies from the 70s, the more thankful I am that I grew up during the "classic period" of T&A flicks in the following decade. While I'm not one to complain much about plentiful scenes of naked women, the 70s just couldn't compare with things like Porky's and Screwballs simply because they were all mostly titillation and not much else. Plot: what's that? Charm: nope. It's this reasoning that makes Hot T-Shirts too dry an experience (and, yes, that is an intentional bad pun).

Joe (Ray Holland) and his buddy Charlie (Glenn Mure) decide to hit a disco bar to see why it's so successful in hopes to steal some ideas to increase business at Joe's flagging competing bar. Which, it seems, is lots of pointlessly topless girls. Bringing their new knowledge back to Joe's place and introducing the idea of wet t-shirt contests to their broad stereotyped co-workers that includes an Italian chef, an old doddering bartender and slutty waitress Violet (Pauline Rose).

Meanwhile at Harrison College we're witness to an awesome cheerleader chant (if "awesome" stands for "shit") and we meet Joe's girlfriend June (Stephanie Lawlor). Instantly we question how Joe, who's a complete slob, managed to get such a decent looking woman but that's just a pointless subplot amongst tons of soaked t-shirts and multiple flashes of just ONE boob - ladies, they come in a pair for a reason, stop showing just one!

The remainder of Hot T-Shirts is basically just Joe and his crew raking in the cash as Vincent stages many scenes of cheap nudity that, as much as it pains me to say this, become tedious. After our first ghetto contest with only two girls involved, Joe soon brings in the goods (and, unfortunately, an annoying character called Roxy who has an irritating "New Yawk" accent) and also has to deal with a group of cranky, protesting old ladies before things end with a painfully drawn out final contest while badly done disco music drones on in the background.

If I hadn't watched this in glorious worn down VHS with a buddy this would have been painful. Instead I had lots of fun making jokes at the flick's expense while repeatedly singing the credits song ("My body is wet! My body is so dripping wet!") and chuckling at just how inane everything is. I admit to actually being amused by the sped-up slapstick of a bar fight that degenerates into smushed pizzas, whipped cream and Benny Hill level shenanigans. I also chuckled when one character asks: "Do you have reservations?" and is answered with "We have nothing against wet t-shirts" and there's a training montage that's pretty goofy. Otherwise this is the same sort of late night wankery seen in similar fare like Cherry Hill High.

Given director Vincent's career in pornography it's not surprising that most of the lesser cast members are made up of XXX actors and nude models. That's busy porn actor/director Randy West as one of the College footballers and 1978 Penthouse Pet Corinne Alphen (who would be memorable in 1983's Spring Break) shows up as one of the dancers. As for the main cast, Holland's character is such a gross guy you can't really feel any sympathy for him and the rest of the cast broadly plays their stereotypes. Lawlor is an agreeable looking enough love interest and Rose has a few mildly amusing moments but, honestly, you're not expecting much in the way of acting from a flick of this caliber.

Hot T-Shirts is pretty lame. It's one of Vincent's earliest attempts to move into more "mainstream" cinema and it's really not worth your time. There's way too many decent 80s sex comedies to watch that you don't even need to bother anyway. Hell, Vincent himself is responsible for a couple of them including 1984's Hollywood Hot Tubs and 1986's Wimps - watch those instead. (Chris Hartley, 10/9/13)

Directed By: Chuck Vincent.
Written By: Chuck Vincent, Bill Slobodian.

Starring: Ray Holland, Glenn Mure, Stephanie Lawlor, Pauline Rose.