Cavegirl asks the important question: What would you do if you went back to prehistoric times and met a hot cave girl? The answer: Try to bone her, of course! You know, I kind of dig the 12-movie packs Mill Creek have released and the "Too Cool for School" one is no exception. A collection of a dozen teen comedies produced by Crown International, most of them ones I remember with an odd fondness from my 80s youth, and usually priced for under ten bucks, this marks my third venture into the set (the previous ones being Tomboy and Weekend Pass) and it somehow manages to screw up in so many ways from the stupid slapstick, a barely there time travel plot that offers up lots of poor "fish out of water" attempts at humour, and a decided failure to disrobe our title prehistoric babe until an hour in - it's a pretty miserable time, folks.

Incredibly busy character actor Daniel Roebuck makes his film debut here as the nerdy, fedora wearing Rex who is just your typical clumsy geek and constantly the target of pranks by his 20-something looking schoolmates. He's a pretty clueless guy and early on we see him awkwardly trying to score a date while one of his tormentors slyly removes the "wo" from the "women only" sign at the change room. This leads us to a plethora of cheap nudity as Rex gets caught in the locker room with a pretty angry female tennis team (that, pleasingly, includes one of my ultimate 80s b-movie babes, Michelle Bauer) and is chased in the first, of many, badly done slapstick moments by director/writer David Oliver. It's a scene that was apparently tacked on after filming to increase the amount of female skin on display, so thanks for that!

After this run in, Rex and his classmates head off on a field trip to a cave in order to look at some ancient cave paintings. Separated from the group, Rex finds some glowing crystals and, due to a helicopter flying nearby (which we saw in the opening credits zooming across the desert landscape while a bad 80s synth pop song played on the soundtrack) doing missile testing, Rex finds himself transported back into prehistoric times. Luckily for him, he runs into the bikini clad Eba (Cindy Ann Thompson) who, after they play a quick game of keep away, takes a shine to him. This gives Rex ample opportunity to try and bed down with Eba, even teaching her the delightful phrase "May I sit on your face?", while narrating his adventures in this strange new land and dealing with a curious rival tribe of cave people who, when not giggling at farts, are constantly amazed by modern inventions such as shaving cream. There's also a running joke where the tribe's peeping tom chief is constantly cockblocking Rex and a half-assed attempt in the last fifteen minutes to make Rex into a hero when some cannibals show up. But mostly it's about him trying to get laid.

What's most amazing about Cavegirl is the fact that the acting isn't even close to being the worst thing here. Roebuck is actually pretty good while stumbling through scenes where he's accused of being a "homo", ripping out the seat of his pants, and doing a poor impersonation of Marlon Brando in The Godfather. Thompson is definitely cute as our love interest even though I felt more like it was a waiting game for her to drop her top more than anything else. Still, she's pretty adorable. The rest of the cast does a lot of grunting and falling over but they do it acceptably.

Time travelling in comedies is nothing new but 1985 had a handful of them with the great Back to the Future, the silly My Science Project and... Cavegirl. It barely works as a T&A comedy let alone a time travel one. There's not a lot of prehistoric based comedy out there but this may just be the crappiest of the lot. It shares a similar plot as the 1981 Ringo Starr vehicle Caveman while lacking that flick's star power (Dennis Quaid and Shelley Long co-starred) and, at times, decent chuckles. Hell, it's not even as entertaining as Encino Man and that one had Pauly Shore in it. Think about that. Pauly f*cking Shore. (Chris Hartley, 11/26/14)

Directed By: David Oliver.
Written By: David Oliver.

Starring: Daniel Roebuck, Cindy Ann Thompson, Darren Young, Saba Moor.