There is a sound effect that has been happening in movie trailers over the last couple of years that instantly tells me that the movie is going to suck. The same device is also used in some television commercials. What I am speaking of is when there is a shot of someone looking dumbfounded while the sound effect of a record needle being scratched over the surface of a record is played. I don't know who thought of this as a comedy device but it had the equivalent to me of fingernails on a chalkboard. Carlito's Angels is the only film that I can recall that uses this lame effect within its running time. The reason I babbled so much about this is because it was almost perfect that a movie that was this painful to watch managed to incorporate one of my biggest pet peeves.

The translucent plot consists of a trio of Latino girls prancing around for 70 minutes apparently trying to foil some sort of numbers racket in their hood. This is a thin veil over an endless supply of nattering chick-babble as the trio yap about their looks and other petty things. They also screech a lot and you will need a few days of silence to get the voices out of your head. The Angels consist of a mother of many named Roxy (Evly Pacheco), a pothead named Marisol (Jeni Garcia), and a hot troublemaker named Tina (Alessandra Ramon). They get phone calls from a guy in prison named Carlito who exists only as a weak, poor comedy attempt to tie this in with the other Angels that this movie is trying to rip off. The girls hang out at their apartment, go undercover in a strip club but don't strip, interrogate a fat guy with a bribe of pizza, attend a neighborhood barbecue, and are involved in the least-satisfying mud wrestling sequence that I have ever seen.

The truth of the matter is that this film may have been okay if the girls weren't so damn annoying. I know some guys are into these types of chicks but to me, hanging out a gaggle of girls trying to out shout each other is one of the least desirable ways to spend my time. I would not want to be around this group in real life so why in the hell would I want to watch a movie about them? The least they could have done was get naked and even that didn't happen aside from a brief scene involving Tina at the beginning. I still don't know if this would have helped matters because even though I thought Tina was hot at the beginning of the film, the incessant babbling moved her down on the babe meter by the end. This was one of those movies where I found myself without an explanation as to how something like this got made. On a slightly positive note, there were a few moments of weirdness that spiced things up a bit including a sequence where the fourth wall is broken and we see the crew working on a fight sequence as well as a strange cameo by a guy dressed up as Robin complete with comic book 'pows' like the original Batman TV series.

I hate being so hard on an indie film, but seriously what was the point here? The jokes weren't funny, the plot was non-existent, and the characters were annoying. Maybe if writer/director Agustin had a better story on his hands, he would have been able to salvage this but with the end result the way it is, I do not know who would enjoy this. Maybe if I was from the 'hood', I would like this a little more but the fact is that I am a sheltered white boy from Canada so any in-jokes around the culture are destined to be lost on me. Regardless, a good filmmaker should be able to have me relate to the characters no matter what my background is. Spike Lee and John Singleton have both proven this repeatedly.

Better luck next time but for now I would rather just watch some crappy music videos for 70 minutes than endure this again. (Josh Pasnak, 3/22/06)

Directed By: Agustin.
Written By: Agustin.

Starring: Evly Pacheco, Alessandra Ramos, Jeni Garcia, Raymond Reynosa.

Picture Ratio: Full Frame.

Picture Quality: A little dark at times. Other than that, it looked like the low-budget DV feature it was.

Extras: First up we have a 20-minute documentary on the making of the film which includes interviews with the cast and director. Director Agustin really believes in himself and what he is doing but that doesn't change the fact that this was not a good movie. Next we have a photo gallery set to music and another gallery of comic-style artwork by Caesar. Rounding are the extras are a selection of trailers from EI.

Visit EI Cinema for more info.