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Taking Back Christmas

I'm taking back Christmas for all us horror fans, you better believe it! Forget all that blather about getting new clothes, the latest electronic toy that's suspiciously been given a lower production run (I'm looking at you, Microsoft!), and the fruitcakes. What us horror fans want is blood, guts, and perhaps a few hot naked chicks - and if they come out with a horror movie involving the birth of Jesus, while making it a gore-a-thon where he fights off bad "non-believers" (hence, demons), even better!

Actually, I apologize to those religious amongst us, but only slightly. But come on, who doesn't want to wake up on Christmas morning and have a tree stuffed with all the zombies, vampires, and homicidal maniacs your little heart could desire? I know I'd be perfectly happy if someone was to go out of their way to get me my latest genre desires (which if you're wondering include many of the Sideshow Toys figures and that kick-ass Alien bobblehead I recently saw in the short film, Means To An End). In fact, I'd shake their hand for breaking tradition and not frowning upon my want for all things horror.

Let me tell you, my good friends, about the "bestest" Christmas EVER. The year is 1989, I am the tender age of fifteen and my fixation with our favourite oft-maligned genre is in full swing. I have been ingesting as much horror movies as I can, much to the chagrin of my mother who seems to think it's a "passing fad". My grandmother is visiting us from England, I have only seen this woman twice before in my lifetime. But she's the coolest goddamn granny anyone could want. The reason? The fact that I'm looking at the videos in the local department store of the time (I believe, K-Mart) and upon almost exploding with excitement at all the awesome movies I've spotted, she buys them ALL. I'm talking Evil Dead 2, Killer Klowns From Outer Space, Toxic Avenger... you get the drift. To this day I have not been able to match the bliss I felt, and I still smile when I think of the disappointed head shakes my mother was giving to her own mother as I stacked the videos up on the counter.

That's why I think we should stand this holiday on end, because our one day a year (Halloween) just isn't enough. Forget carols, pass on the turkey dinner, and don't even bother with the outdoor light displays - just curl up at home, grab a big bowl of whatever snack food you like best, and spin your Silent Night, Deadly Night disc for the umpteenth time (if you're like me this is your true "Holiday Classic" you watch every December). Start giving people horror movies and horror movie related items as gifts. Make up a personalized Christmas card with you dressed as Freddy Krueger in a Santa hat on the front. Spread the infection across the globe! If someone wants Harry Potter on DVD, give them Warlock (they're both technically "wizards"). Need to buy some new clothes for someone? Give them an Evil Dead shirt. The possibilities are endless.

But on a serious note, our dear readers, we here at The Video Graveyard would like to wish you and yours a great Christmas season and remind you to treat your family right (even if you want to kill some of them) and take time to relax, eat a lot, and perhaps revel in your gifts. This is the one time of year where "family" really means something special, so from our "family" to you, Merry Christmas. -Chris Hartley, 12/23/05