Ants!, originally titled the way less awesome It Happened at Lakewood Manor, is just your typical nature run amuck TV movie of the week taking the basics of a disaster flick, bringing in some minor celebrities, and proceeding to make us drowsy with its lackadaisical pacing. For a flick they've tacked an exclamation point onto the end of the title, this is pretty unexciting stuff. I have to admit, going in, I only really remembered it due to its amazing VHS box art from when I was a kid - which you will see to the right and tried to convince us that ant covered cleavage was co-star (and, at the time, a hot commodity due to "Three's Company") Suzanne Somers.

The set up here is about as standard as they come as some construction work beside the lakeshore resort Lakewood Manor ends in disaster as an accident involving biting ants somehow causes a worker to be buried alive - due to a bulldozer driver who just isn't paying attention. After this we're slowly introduced to the owners, guests, and side characters we're going to be spending the next 90 minutes or so with. There's businesswoman Gloria (Somers) and her greedy land developer boss/lover Tony (Gerald Gordon), the backpacking hippie type Linda (Karen Lamm), owner Valerie (Lynda Day George) and her wheelchair bound mother, construction foreman Mike (Robert Foxworth) who fills the need for a macho hardhat wearing hero, and our token black dude Vince (Bernie Casey).

In between plentiful scenes of our characters talking, including many moments of Tony being an asshole because he wants to buy up the place and turn it into a casino, we're given a bunch of low-key lessons on ant behavior from the scientist character, get a pretty priceless scene where a young boy (who is dumpster diving to collect empty bottles to help his mom since dad's newly out of the picture) is caked in ants, and a whole slew of swelling music in the background as the camera lingers on swarms of ants - looking like the un-scary black specks they are. Things do go the disaster movie route in the last third, though, as a fire chief (Brian Dennehy - surprise!) tries to save those trapped in the hotel.

If there's anything I learnt from Ants! it's the adage: "Don't get mad, just bulldoze the shit out of everything!" This may just become my new mantra on life. I also discovered that the people at Lakewood are seemingly dense as most of them don't notice the TONS of ants swarming around them.

As with most TV movies of the time the cast is filled with familiar faces. Foxworth, who would later co-star in primetime soap opera "Falcon Crest" and have a busy TV career, fills his leading man role adequately and George (Pieces, Day of the Animals) fills the love interest role as well as being good to look at. Screen legend Myrna Loy , who had quite a run as a leading lady from the 20s-40s, appears as Linda's crippled mother and I can't deny I spent almost the entire flick waiting for Casey to bust it out U.N. Jefferson Revenge of the Nerds style on those dastardly ants. Somers doesn't quite deliver what the VHS box promises but does get to lie face down and topless while ants crawl on her as well as have some decent scenes with Gordon who's an effective jerk (and has an amazing final scene).

Ants! is a complete product of its time. It's leisurely paced and decidedly low-key in its delivery meaning that if you're looking for the drive-in craziness of the same year's Empire of the Ants you'll be sadly disappointed. It also worth noting the writer Guerdon Trueblood tackled killer bees the year prior with the entertaining The Savage Bees (he'd also co-write its sequel, Terror Out of the Sky) and would follow this up with more TV made deadly insect horror to the tune of Tarantulas: The Deadly Cargo starring cult favourite Tom Atkins (Night of the Creeps, Halloween III). (Chris Hartley, 4/7/15)

Directed By: Robert Scheerer.
Written By: Guerdon Trueblood.

Starring: Robert Foxworth, Lynda Day George, Gerald Gordon, Bernie Casey.